Life as I know it

I must admit that I haven't been the most consistent blog-poster lately.  Truth be told, my life has felt a little jumbled lately.  As many of you know from prior posts, I recently started Grad School again (my last semester-I'll probably mention this A LOT) and also picked up my part-time job at TMOC again.

On top of this, I have volunteered more time at my church and am trying to stay in touch with friends despite the craziness of life.

God has been doing a work on me lately too.  We're going through a 4-part series at church called "The Offense of Marriage".  Don't read this wrong- think of Offense as the opposite of Defense, not that marriage is offensive.

Through this series, our pastor has continually commented on the life of a single person in the church and how important it is for us not to feel "empty" because we are not married.  Our purpose in life shouldn't be to find our potential earthly partner, but to honor marriage, serve the Lord, and seek out God's plan for our lives.  I agree with this very much....but even on my best days; those days when I do seek the Lord and spend time with Him, I still feel like something is missing.

Does this mean I'm not as strong a Christian as I thought?  Do I lack the faith that fills my heart, soul, and mind?  Am I searching for something to fill the space that only God can fill?  I'd like to think that these questions are answered with a "No, of course not".  But, then why do I still feel like something is missing?

As I search my own heart and seek the Lord, I hope to uncover why I feel the way I do.  Why I long so much for a husband.  What if I am called to be single?  Would I be fully contented with singleness as my life's calling?  I pray that God opens my eyes to my own failings and fills me with the peace and love that I know only He can provide.  

In the meantime, I will continue to trust in the Lord and His timing.  I want to long for my Heavenly Father more than I long to live...now the question is how to make that a reality for me.  Suggestions?